i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize