i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize