Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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