my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize