She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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