You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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