Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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