okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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