I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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