i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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