member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize