I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We smell like vodka and hangover
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