Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize