we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize