I didn't shave. On purpose
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
