Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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