Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize