just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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