I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
