Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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