It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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