pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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