nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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