every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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