I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize