I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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