so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize