So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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