Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize