consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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