took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize