I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize