bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize