I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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