You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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