Cold hands, warm shart.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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