shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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