First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize