i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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