the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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