i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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