Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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