Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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