somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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