I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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