well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I could fuck to npr.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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