I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize