Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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