Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize