Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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