It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
do nipples grow back?
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