I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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