bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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