If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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