she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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